You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think I just shit out all my problems.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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