Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
