I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
