Jerry, you need to find god
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
