so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
