It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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