she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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