better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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