I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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