You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
