i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.