Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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