I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??