I've blown a few things in my day
I understand Curling. That high.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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