So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen