Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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