I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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