he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
