Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
