I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we're making bets on your personal life
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
