Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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