Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
