do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
