Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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