Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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