..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
