I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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