3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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