He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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