just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
