we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
