Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
