you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
