There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
