I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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