I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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