You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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