i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
