She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
third nipple confirmed
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
