I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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