Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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