All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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