yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just cropdusted the office
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
