Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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