i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
pray to the hookup gods
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
