my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize