and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
