we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
