Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
handjob tips. give me some.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
