Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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