Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
