At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
