It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
