He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
