hotel room ftw
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
