Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
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I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
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Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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