apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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