had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
