it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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