i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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