Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
