seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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