Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
