you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
