When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
