Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
