Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
