Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
