you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
what day is it and did you see me today?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
