Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
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I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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