Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
porn star boner night. come get it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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