I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize