So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
