Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
MIDGETS
????
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize