My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
