im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
