Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
