is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
