so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
someone owes me an orgasm
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I lost the right to judge tonight
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
