is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
