I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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