I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
