I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
