Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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