I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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