Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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