Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
